Sorry Barack, There Will Be No Repeat Victory

Chicago roots or not, Obama is not Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He will have no threepeats or even two consecutive wins. And why not may you ask? It is very simple, after much soul searching the Dickerson Pondit has decided to throw his hat into the contest. I am pumped up and ready for my run. I know this news will delight my slightly to the left of Attila the Hun friends who are already gnashing their teeth over the inevitable second straight Obama victory. This is the brightest ray of hope they have seen in months. On the other hand my other friends, the socialists and (perish the thought) Democrats will be wailing and moaning that my entry will just about make it impossible for the beloved Barack to win once again. Hey, life is tough.

The Pondit is going all out to win next year's Nobel Peace Prize. This year the wise old men in Oslo could not find anyone better than a mini-term US president to nominate for the prize. The word on the street was that there just was not another candidate worthy of the prize. Well that is now taken care of for 2010. Tomorrow, with the help of my blog followers I am launching a worldwide initiative to reunite couples who have lingered in darkness for years yearning to be reunited with their mates and reincarnate to a useful existence. These separated couples come in all colors: whites, blacks, browns, yellows and reds. Some are short and others very tall. They are male, female, gay and straight. They come from the far corners of the world. You see them in the streets of New York and Neiman Marcus in Dallas. I am talking about those unmatched socks in your dresser drawers. You know, the ones you have let slip to the back rear of your sock drawers. Some might be have lost their mate just recently, but be honest, you must have one or two that have been there for longer than you can remember.

I know you are all good people. You have kept those single socks because you love them and could not bear to bring them before your personal death panel and recommend a horrible final solution. Well, once again, when my friends and readers are facing the difficult social decisions that are constantly challenging our very existence, I come to the rescue. Here is the plan that will end this most dreadful and dysfunctional apparel state. Tomorrow is a friend's birthday and the Pondit is invited for a little fête to mark this significant anniversary. Of course, all attendees are told to bring no gifts. That means you have to come up with a gift that is really not a gift and look cool doing it. What less would you expect from the Dickerson Pondit than to resolve this sticky casual social dilemma with a Nobel Peace Prize worthy solution?

I am gift wrapping two of my clean orphaned socks as a birthday gift. Inside will be this card:

Dearest friend, please help me and all the good people of this earth end the loneliness and uselessness of these two socks. They yearn from the threads of their existence to be united with their solemate. If you search your sock drawer and cannot provide a mate for either of these socks, please re-gift them so that reunion remains a sign of hope in their lives. God bless the Dickerson Pondit.

With the help of my blog followers -- all of who are not only trendsetters within their sphere of friends – but caring and loving souls, I hope to reunite millions of unmatched socks by the time the old men in Oslo start weeding out candidates for the 2010 Nobel Peace prize. I am also counting on some homeboy consideration. It is about time the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to someone of Norwegian heritage. My word, there has to be some Norwegian who can match up to Mother Teresa or Reverent Tutu. From today on I am hyphenating my last name with my mother's maiden name, Lawrensen. If I can get Google to cooperate, the name of the blog might also change, The DickersenPonditsen.

Please, get those gift boxes of socks into circulation! Don't forget to mention the Pondit's name inside the gift box!

PS

If Obama announces the total withdrawal of US troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, you can keep your old socks! He will be the Michael Jordan of Peace Prizes!

Phi Alpha

I just returned from a trip to South Carolina to meet an RPI fraternity brother. For those readers who are not from northern New York State, RPI does not refer to dead fraternity brothers (that would be RIP) but to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy New York. I met Jim for the first time when rushing Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity in my freshman year of college. That was back before electronic calculators and after the introduction of electric typewriters for those of you who feel more comfortable placing dates on a timeline. Jim was either attending RPI at the time or just hanging around the fraternity waiting to come back to RPI. I graduated from college on the five year plan that included attendance at three different universities prior to graduation. Jim decided not to cram four years of education into five years and took seven years to finish college. I would recommend this plan to any student except those for whom I am paying the tuition. College is a wonderful time. As you get older you realize the time went by much too quickly.

Jim and I have been friends since that first meeting. His wife, Ann, was a sorority sister of my wife at the SUNY at Albany. I was part of their wedding party which was held in the wild and crazy town of Wayland, NY. If any of my readers knows where Wayland, NY is before rushing to Google Maps, they will receive a wonderful prize from the Pondit. Both Jim and Ann are the two people I know who most resemble what they looked like while in college. Ann gets more credit since she finished college on the boring four year plan. In fact as I write this, I am going to ask Jim for a photocopy of his diploma. He might still be working on that undergraduate degree and thus be disqualified for the still looking like statement I made above.

While in South Carolina, Jim and I played five of America's Top 100 Public Golf Courses in five days. Jim plans on playing all one hundred. I am setting my goals on playing the one hundred cheapest golf courses in America. In June and July I drove across the heartland to Jackson Hole, Wyoming and back. I played eleven different golf courses in ten states in thirteen days. I spent maybe $400 on greens fees. Thanks to Jim's quest, I spent $575 in just two days in South Carolina. By the end of the trip, I was liquidating my 401 Plans. Really, it was worth the cost. Reconnecting with old friends is always great. Ann flew in from California to join us on the third day. After Hilton Head and Kiawah Island we spent the last few days in Surfside Beach just south of Myrtle Beach.

Here is another travel tip from the Pondit. Driving from Myrtle Beach to Westchester County, NY in one day is not recommended. Listen to Paul Simon…. "Slow down you move to fast, you've got to make the morning last."

Here are a couple of photos:

Jim and the Pondit in the fairway looking toward the Ocean Course clubhouse on Kiawah Island.

The Ocean Course flag. If you are a golf course with green fees over $300 a round you get a flag. That is a USGA rule.

This is not Jim and Ann. We played the Harbortown Course at Hilton Head with this wonderful young couple from St. Louis. This is the famed eighteenth hole at Harbortown.

After finishing our eighteen holes at the Ocean Course, Jim and I made sure we got the most of out of our green fees by spending two hours at the clubhouse bar and then coming back for dinner in the evening. We were saddened to learn that drinks and dinner were not included in the greens fees.