(S)Trumpet Vines

We have a nice patio off to the side of an English garden overlooking Dickerson Pond. We have planted and care for some perennials around the patio area. We have a trellis to one side with climbing roses at the center and Campsis radicans, commonly known as trumpet vine growing up both sides of the trellis. We purchased the two trumpet vines four years ago in September after seeing one with a multitude of orange blossoms at a local nursery. These would be perfect for setting apart the roses and to help attract and feed additional hummingbirds that share the patio area with us in the summer.

Each morning I go out to the trellis and examine both vines for flower buds. Each morning I walk back to our front door disappointed. We have pampered these vines for almost four years and they have not returned our kindness with a single bloom. Last fall, we were about to rip them out and only relented after talking to a local nursery owner who said to give them another year. It is getting toward the end of that year! The past few months I have done a little research on trumpet vines. They are not native northeast flora. Considering their southern "bad girl" reputation, "Trumpet vine, Campsis radicans is fast growing and sometimes considered invasive in warmer climates," we thought we could control them in New York. What fools we are.

Perhaps it is the pampering that is at the root of our troubles. I found this posting recently, "For best blooming, give it full sun, well drained soil and low moisture and no fertilizer. If it doesn't bloom well chances are that you are pampering it too much. Prune it in early spring to shorten and remove dead wood. To control aggressive growth cut it back to the ground and it should resprout. The orange tubular flowers which attract hummingbirds and bees are produced on current season's growth." Whoa, here I am watering these (s)trumpet vines each day and placing fertilizer spikes at their bases and I realize now that it is tough love that these vines need. I found another posting that recommended hitting the trunk of the vine with a board to shock the vines into bloom. I took my Pro Prince tennis racket a weapon I mainly use to whack cicada hornets [read the August 6^th posting Modern Day Pterodactyls], and gave each vine several good forehands. I am also withholding as much water as possible and actively prune the vine to help let it know I am the boss. If I get a positive ruling from the Supreme Court and the water deprivation does not work, I might try to water board the vines into compliance.

I do have my fears about this approach. Another posting I found is giving me cause for worry,

When I moved into this house 18 years ago as a renter, I inherited a trumpet
vine - campsis radicans. I have learned that it was the last plant to leaf out in the spring and the first to lose its leaves in the fall. Here's my horror story and what I've learned about this vine. Over time the vine began to bloom and pop up everywhere in the yard. I would pull the sprouts only to find more year after year. When it pops up in the lawn it can just be mowed. After 13 years we purchased the house and had to cut down 5 trees and regrade the land due to overplanting and flooding. When we dug up the stumps from the trees and regraded we discovered roots of the vine 3' to 4' deep in the soil, up to 30' from the parent plant and as large around as my wrist! We dug and dug and, well you get the point. A year later we still had sprouts coming up from bits of roots that we'd missed.´

What if the vines turn on me? I do have some WMD I have gleaned for other postings that I can use if the (s)trumpet vines change their behavior from merely withholding their blooms to an outright invasion of the entire garden area. [I cannot reveal these methods at this time since I am composing this post only feet from the vines and I have suspicions that they can hear and unscramble my keystrokes.]

So I sit and wait patiently. Over three years of waiting are already in the books and I see little hope of any blooms this year. Do I give them another year? But how do I handle news like this one from another posting?

Q: My trumpet vine never blooms. Why?

A: These can be finicky to get blooming, especially for the first time. Like wisteria and climbing hydrangea vines, it's not unusual for trumpet vines to go five years before their maiden bloom.

Part of the reason is that woody vines like these tend to want to extend their arms sufficiently before thinking about reproduction. You may be able to speed up the first bloom a little by pruning back the leaders to encourage more side shoots, where the flowers are going to occur. Otherwise, it's a matter of waiting. I've even heard of people waiting for up to 10 years before they got their first trumpet vine flowers.

There will be no "ten year" wait in my garden. When I purchased these vines, I assumed I also purchased their reproductive rights. It will be five years and out. If there are no blooms next year, we will be enjoying one fine bonfire next fall. Let me type this one more time slowly and with emphasis and hope that the vines are paying attention, we will be enjoying one fine bonfire next fall. Wait, I saw a movement high on the trellis. Perhaps tomorrow, I will see the first bud. Forever the optimist!

The Other Side of the Mirror

On Thursday, July 22, 2004 a massive contingent of troops bombard, invade and quickly overwhelm the Hawaiian Islands. The invading force is a coalition of Chinese, North Korean, Iranian, Yemeni and North Vietnamese soldiers. In fact, eighty-five percent are Chinese troops, ten percent North Korean and only token forces from the other coalition participants. Using modern weapons and surprise the invading forces suffer minimum casualties and subdue the islands within two days.

Although initial world opinion is overwhelmingly critical of this action, the international community is unable to make any coordinated effort to stop the invasion and occupation of the islands. The invading coalition makes it immediately clear that it has placed and armed numerous nuclear devices on the island. It has informed the international community and the United States that any attempt to retake the islands or attack any territory of the coalition partners will result in the detonation of these devices.

Although it is unclear why the coalition took this actions, several communiques and recent statements by politicians and the press in the coalition countries have cited the United States poses a threat to world stability, that United States has repressed and prevented the indigenous Hawaiian population from obtaining self rule and they allege that the United States has and is concealing an enormous cache of weapons of mass destruction (WMD). International press stories hint that the real reason for the invasion was for China to gain access to the lucrative sugar crop in light of the recent demand for sugar that has tripled the price of this dwindling commodity. This has been vehemently denied by the Chinese government.

In order to protect their citizens, the coalition nations have detained any US citizens who were in their country at the time of this action. Although no formal charges have been made against these detainees, they remain in detention centers and have no communication with the outside world. Coalition countries continue to assert their rights to this action and state that the detainees are being treated humanely.

It is now over two years from the start of this incident and the islands are still occupied. Many Hawaiians have responded to the occupation with violence. Militia groups continue to harass and attack coalition forces. Sugar cane fields are routinely set on fire. Electric and water utilities are disrupted. Coalition forces are responding with house to house searches to seek out and engage the insurgents. Many coalition troops and thousands of civilians have been killed or injured in this ongoing effort. China reports that over one thousand of its troops were killed or injured during the past two years. That is in contrast to sustaining less than one hundred casualties during the initial invasion.

The United Nations is actively working to broker a settlement. Although self determination for the Hawaiian people is an issue, the demand by the coalition forces that the United States reveals and destroys all its WMD and that the US vows to discontinue research or production of such weapons is preventing any diplomatic resolution of this conflict. The US refuses to consider this demand even with the offer of the coalition force nations to do the same. Right now, the conflict is at a stand still. Daily casualties for both civilians and coalition forces continue to mount. The pressure on the global economy and sugar shortages and runaway prices takes a toll on all economies. There is a reported demand from some the Chinese population for a resolution of the conflict. But the central government and their control of the press has been able to isolate and neutralize the effects of any internal protests.

At this time, we can only wait and hope the suffering of the people in Hawaii soon comes to an end.