Chicago roots or not, Obama is not Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. He will have no threepeats or even two consecutive wins. And why not may you ask? It is very simple, after much soul searching the Dickerson Pondit has decided to throw his hat into the contest. I am pumped up and ready for my run. I know this news will delight my slightly to the left of Attila the Hun friends who are already gnashing their teeth over the inevitable second straight Obama victory. This is the brightest ray of hope they have seen in months. On the other hand my other friends, the socialists and (perish the thought) Democrats will be wailing and moaning that my entry will just about make it impossible for the beloved Barack to win once again. Hey, life is tough.
The Pondit is going all out to win next year's Nobel Peace Prize. This year the wise old men in Oslo could not find anyone better than a mini-term US president to nominate for the prize. The word on the street was that there just was not another candidate worthy of the prize. Well that is now taken care of for 2010. Tomorrow, with the help of my blog followers I am launching a worldwide initiative to reunite couples who have lingered in darkness for years yearning to be reunited with their mates and reincarnate to a useful existence. These separated couples come in all colors: whites, blacks, browns, yellows and reds. Some are short and others very tall. They are male, female, gay and straight. They come from the far corners of the world. You see them in the streets of New York and Neiman Marcus in Dallas. I am talking about those unmatched socks in your dresser drawers. You know, the ones you have let slip to the back rear of your sock drawers. Some might be have lost their mate just recently, but be honest, you must have one or two that have been there for longer than you can remember.
I know you are all good people. You have kept those single socks because you love them and could not bear to bring them before your personal death panel and recommend a horrible final solution. Well, once again, when my friends and readers are facing the difficult social decisions that are constantly challenging our very existence, I come to the rescue. Here is the plan that will end this most dreadful and dysfunctional apparel state. Tomorrow is a friend's birthday and the Pondit is invited for a little fête to mark this significant anniversary. Of course, all attendees are told to bring no gifts. That means you have to come up with a gift that is really not a gift and look cool doing it. What less would you expect from the Dickerson Pondit than to resolve this sticky casual social dilemma with a Nobel Peace Prize worthy solution?
I am gift wrapping two of my clean orphaned socks as a birthday gift. Inside will be this card:
Dearest friend, please help me and all the good people of this earth end the loneliness and uselessness of these two socks. They yearn from the threads of their existence to be united with their solemate. If you search your sock drawer and cannot provide a mate for either of these socks, please re-gift them so that reunion remains a sign of hope in their lives.
God bless the Dickerson Pondit. |
With the help of my blog followers -- all of who are not only trendsetters within their sphere of friends – but caring and loving souls, I hope to reunite millions of unmatched socks by the time the old men in Oslo start weeding out candidates for the 2010 Nobel Peace prize. I am also counting on some homeboy consideration. It is about time the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to someone of Norwegian heritage. My word, there has to be some Norwegian who can match up to Mother Teresa or Reverent Tutu. From today on I am hyphenating my last name with my mother's maiden name, Lawrensen. If I can get Google to cooperate, the name of the blog might also change, The DickersenPonditsen.
Please, get those gift boxes of socks into circulation! Don't forget to mention the Pondit's name inside the gift box!
PS
If Obama announces the total withdrawal of US troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, you can keep your old socks! He will be the Michael Jordan of Peace Prizes!
8 comments:
ROTFLMBO!!!!! X-D
Hey, that's not the right reaction. I am serious about this. Geez.
For the texting neophytes:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ROTFLMAO
It's a very sad day when we trivialize this once very, very great Prize. I applaud you for throwing your hat into the ring. After all, when someone wins the prize based on campaign speeches and the promise of what might come, we might as well be talking about socks.
Well said! But please, I am talking about orphaned socks. And I am talking about reuniting orphaned socks with their mates. My eyes are tearing up just writing this comment.
But, have you queried your future constituents as to whether they really want to be reunited? Maybe the separation was of their own volition!
As a true politician, you would certainly take into consideration the wishes of those you represent. Isn't that what congress does each and every day?!? LOL
I actually have a drawer in my nightstand that only contains, and is full of orphaned socks. Really! Some have been in there for years in hopes of being reunited with their mates. Yours is a wonderful idea. The Peace Prize should most assuredly be yours next year.
the fact that i get up before my wife and get ready for work when it's dark and i keep the room dark is one thing. the fact that even by the time i've showered and i'm ready for getting dressed still bleary eyed, more asleep than awake is another. My almost total lack of fashion sense being the third, has led me to only wear white socks. i can, without any stress whatsoever, reach into my socks drawer and pull out ANY 2 socks and they WILL match. It's a small, small world where footwear live together in haromony.
Geez Russ, you're related to me, you cannot tell all my sophisticated New York City followers that every sock you have is white. Furthermore, NYC is Rainbow Coalition territory, at least half of your socks should be of minority colors.
Post a Comment