The Briefcase: The Editor Cometh

After I finished my first draft of The Briefcase, I knew it now needed the touch of an editor.  Here are some correspondences that portray my search:

This is an email I sent out blindly to a potential editor:

On the advise of her agent and editor, my friend and author, Maggie Barbieri, suggested your website (bookdoc.com) as a place to find an editor/mentor for my manuscript.  I have just finished a first draft of my first novel.  I am pleased with what I have produced, but am very aware that it needs help.  I am not a very disciplined person and have been told that in my writing there is not one tense I do not like.  I have written a mystery/suspense novel with what I believe is an interesting, fresh perspective.  Of course, this is my opinion.  I have written about 120,000 words and focused mainly at moving the plot forward rather than attention to descriptions and character development. My education background is in chemistry and business.  I finished my career working in operations for a dot com company.  I wrote my first short stories a few years ago after retiring at age 62.

What do you suggest for the next steps I should take? I am currently in Naples, FL.  I will return to Westchester Count at the beginning of May.

Here is the response after sending him my 120,000 word first draft:

Thanks for the files. You have a very inventive plot, though it (apparently) seems you are still in search of an ending. After careful consideration I have concluded that whatever I bring by way of editing to the book will not sufficiently enhance its chances of being published to  justify your investing in my time. My sincere wishes for good luck as you more forward with completion of the book. Thanks very much for thinking of me.
I have erased your files in order to prevent any inadvertent disclosure of your material,

Best regards, 

So I tried another editor. He had edited books for Robert Ludlum:

I want to move ahead.  I will send you the double spaced manuscript along with a check for $2,000.  I need an address to send these materials.  I am not good at proofreading my own writing.  It is too easy for me to read over my mistakes.  Word has helped me correct quite a few spelling mistakes, but the auto correct feature has made some interesting substitutions for my typing mistakes.   I will go to Office Max on Friday to make your copy.  I believe it is 292 pages.

I hope we can forge a good partnership in this endeavor.

FYI - The vast majority of the book was written with me sitting at my computer and just typing away.  At times my race to keep my line of thought forced me to move the plot ahead rather than setting the scene or developing the characters.  I hope you find the story intriguing and get to like the characters.

This was done and I received a synopsis initial assessment.  It does not include the 281 specific recommendations he gave to met:

Dear Mr. Holt,
             I’m afraid I can’t be encouraging about The Briefcase. You obviously know your horseracing – the betting scenes, although there are too many of them, are the best in the book – and you use of the drone is intriguing. But, no disrespect, you are simply not a writer, thereby joining the 99.9% of Americans who aren’t either. Your dialogue is particularly weak. You’ll have to learn to use contractions, to avoid using characters’ names when they’re speaking face-to-face, to get your past and present tenses in line, to get inside your characters’ heads rather than simply telling us what they’re feeling.
             Your two main male characters – Chet and Patty – need development. You’ll have to give us a psychological motive for Chet to keep the money; greed isn’t enough, he’ll have to need it, and the device of the dream isn’t strong enough. The way you present him now, he’s unattractive (particularly after his adulterous adventure), and unless the reader sympathizes with him, your story can’t work. Patty is a potentially more interesting man. I like it that he’s censured by the Agency and so winds up siding with Chet, but we need much more of his emotions, his ambivalence, his rage at his wife, his self-doubt. I realize you’re intending the book as a comedy, but genuine feeling and real life situations will only help. Anna is to date the most attractive character in the book, and she shouldn’t be – she’s a subsidiary figure. But at least she’s capable of introspection, something Chet ands Patty desperately need.
             I hope this helps. In your e-mail to me to say that you just sat at your computer and typed away. That’s not way to write a book. You have to outline it so that things planted early pay off later; you have to write biographies of your characters so they remain true to your vision of them; you have to study each sentence to make sure it’s a clear and well written as your can manage. The writing of a book takes a minimum of a year – my guess is that you wrote this in a few weeks. Anyway, call me at 1-203-341-8607 with your questions and comments.
                                                                                     All best, 

These were hard rejections for me. It took me some time and a lot of reflection to realize the two professional were correct.  I found an editor I could work with and trust.  He teaches writing at a local college in Westchester County, New York and is the author of several books.  He is also a friend who lived in the condo on the floor above where I resided.